remembering

often, when i think of my kiddos and the time that has passed, i try to bring up some images in my mind of those tiny days. pictures like these seem to quickly come into my mental view:



(my samuel)



(my girl)





(the newest)

and while i love these pictures-- they all capture such sweetness, newness-- they fall short. i usually try to push images like these to the side-- try to dig deep and find some memories. real memories of moments. little moments with little people.

late nights in rocking chairs. outside explorations. walking and soothing.

while i'm not very good at seeing their faces in these memories just as they were, i can remember the feelings of those moments. the weight of the air and the colors around me. the thoughts of my heart.

and the memory is what i want. those little moments that were just mine. they hit my heart and settled in. i want them to be permanent. to remain.

i'm finding that i need to bring these memories to the surface regularly. otherwise, in the jumble of this crazy brain of mine, they will be lost. this discipline is worth it. i want to try- to add some concrete footing to these memories.

i know that all mamas have to watch their babies grow. have to say goodbye to days passed and embrace new stages. i know there is good to be found around each new bend.

i want to remember the old road, though. move forward with my lovely children-- in joy.

with just a few tiny-handed memories in my trunk.

a saturday

what a nice saturday we had. didn't go quite like i had thought it might (which usually spells trouble for this heart of mine). what a rest-filled day we had. perfect.



a lazy morning with pj's. and a sick little girl.



(lest you end up thinking our day overly idyllic, i will tell you that moments after she ate a few bites of that oatmeal... you know... we saw it again...)

with the now totally open schedule, i felt like making something.



so samuel and i set to making some challah. we've been reading a book series rich in Jewish culture (All of a Kind Family) and samuel was excited to make something "mama made".





it's one of those lovely breads that requires 3 rises and sends a beautiful yeasty smell through the house. bread making sets such a nice pace to the day. well, it can. and it did on saturday.

between bread maintenance, we rested a lot.



made messes.



and did nothing. then did more of nothing.



oh friends, why don't i have more days like this? we had a sabbath day. a day of rest. it was what we needed. sometimes, i think, God uses the sicknesses in our lives to give us the sabbath we've been neglecting.

this saturday offered us so many lovely moments. cuddles with a fevered girl. books read aloud and bread in the oven.

space to stop and see things. trees swaying with the wind. a finch at the feeder. sunshine on the table.



it was a special gift. a little present. and i suppose this is my thank you note.