100 days

we celebrated one hundred days of school today. we made it. 100 whole days. this deserves balloons.

and cake for lunch.

i still feel mostly in-over-my-head when it comes to doing school at home. i have so very much to learn about it. and i don't know where the future will lead our family when it comes to schooling.

but i am thankful. i've seen, these last 100 days, a boy growing. i've read less, he's read more. i've had a few moments where he looks at me and smiles, with a twinkle of knowledge. like, "oh! i know what you're talking about! this makes sense to me!" it has been a privilege to be there for those moments.

happy 100, folks.

walks and photos. and crafting a bit.

you should know at the outset of this post: it's chock-full of photos.

the sun came out today. and because my sister lives in michigan and suffers through clouds for weeks on end, i know i really don't have much to complain about. but it had been at least 3 days of rain. and the sun came out today.

and we went on a walk. searching for lovely things.

(i love whatever these bushes are. their seed pods produce beautiful winter 'flowers')

(this tree has always been a neighborhood favorite of mine. that trunk is perfect)

(our very own sweet gum tree. little kate keeps calling those annoying, beautiful balls different things. we've had gum balls and ping pong balls. today, there was a 'meatball' stuck in her stroller wheel.)

and then we came inside. i made cookies to bring to a show tomorrow.

and sewed. a pile of headbands:

also, for those of who might be interested, i'm making some cards similar to those i posted about earlier. i'll have some available tomorrow night with verses already written and some sets of blank ones for you to fill in yourself. i may start putting them on etsy... we'll see.

hope the week is settling in well in your corner. we're striving for the same- a settling in. deep breaths of this moment. this one. right here.

i warned you about the photos. you can't say i didn't.

one stream. one direction. and revolving doors.

marriage. this rough and beautiful business of lives merging, creating one mountain stream- fluidly moving from one place to the next.

so when you look at your partner and feel so far, so unable to understand to their way of thinking... well, i can get dramatic. and 'conversation' ensues.

we stop. both looking at the ceiling as we rest our heads on pillows. we remember a bit in the silence and space who we are (children of the Father of love and peace) and who we are next to (a child precious to the Father- Who gave it all up to grasp and love him/her).

it's in the remembering that we come back. we don't always resolve. i feel like we figure less out as the weeks, months, years pass. but we come back. see each other. and the mercies are new.

we sat with a couple recently who has a couple of decades on us in the marriage department. they talked about how they still struggle to communicate- they still don't get it right. how they have to ask each other for grace and mercy. a hand extended to a knee, a glance of repentance, a small/huge request: "grace and mercy...?"

a revolving door. we will never get it all right. this must become an easier pattern for me. me doing wrong/feeling wronged-- confession/repentance-- grace and mercy.

making a home together. merging into one life. one home. warm, imperfect and awake.

being the Spirit

i saw him looking at me in the rearview mirror. his face somewhere between almost-tears and anger. "but that's not fair," he declared.

i had been informing him of the consequence due him after the morning's... episode. and after his not-fair declaration, i tried to get him to the root of it. get him to admit his guilt. to see his wrong. but he wanted none of it.

a few days later i was talking to my mom, telling her this story. and she reminded me that i'm not the Holy Spirit. i cannot force him to see his wrong. but He can.

so i will keep praying.

He has so kindly been reminding me more and more recently to pray for the hearts living under this roof of ours. bringing them to mind often and laying specific things on my heart. i'm so thankful that He is giving me eyes to see. the good and the ugly of these kids. His kids.

He makes good ones.

rearrange

done a little bit of rearranging around here. it has been refreshing.

we packed into the car and went to ikea and jamba juice (one of our favorite things).

bought some fabric and recovered some pillows that really needed it.

and then jason painted the dining room. i came home to a whole new space. crazy what paint can do.

then we had the great pleasure of moving around the small collection of art we have. i'm liking how things are shaping up.

(if you want to know- art in photo 1 by marco suarez and photo 2 art by joseph bradley. we're so glad to have such talented friends)

as we get used to old things in new places, i'm thinking on a small home show at a friend's (if you're in greenville and want details, email me and i will be sure to get them to you). trying to figure out what to make, what to let go of. all of that beautiful time management stuff.

school is hitting me between the eyes these days, the laundry pile, the dust corner, and still time with my Father on the couch is ending up on the list. it doesn't belong on a list, friends. it is above a list.

praying He continues to intersect my day all over the place- that i would have eyes to see His hand- and a voice that rejoices with a resounding 'hallelujah!'

friendship

i recently started exchanging letters with two friends. one is a long-standing friend from college who is too easy to lose touch with. so we started writing. i'm so glad.

on the way out of the house with the kids recently, i checked the mail and found a note from her. i found myself opening it at the stop light, reading it at the next red light and finishing it in the parking lot of our destination (yes, i am a fairly impatient person). but i just couldn't wait to hear from her. she sat down somewhere in her home and wrote me a note- a piece of her life and heart- and sent it through the states to me. it's a gift.

and as she recognized in her letter to me (and i have seen as well), our hearts are growing tighter because of this small exchange of paper. we certainly could be emailing each other the same information. but there is something different about these letters.

they feel more like a true gift from her. that she would take the time to pull out her stationary, find a pen, address an envelope, etc. and perhaps we share our hearts a bit differently on paper. i don't know. i just know that she and her sweet family pop into my mind more- i pray for them more- i think on them more- i am more excited when there is joy in their home. we're tied tighter. growing together.

and all of this letter-rambling leads me to this: friendship is a gift. the giving of a piece of one's heart to another is a gift. when a friend is honest with me- this is a gift. when she shares a heavy burden, a confusion, a sweet story of her children- gifts. when she tells me that she needs to cancel our plans today because her heart is heavy and she needs some space to herself- this honesty and trust is a kind gift to me.

community is tricky and not always easy. it is beautiful and messy. i'm thankful for the people in my life who i'm allowed to walk beside- truly walk beside. thankful that we can deal with each other's messes. and i want more. i want Him to empower me to more. that i might more and more take my eyes off of myself and consider the gifts i am given when a woman sits across from me and gives me a gift of trust and honesty. i want to deeply value that gift.

happy weekend, friends. may we have eyes to see. His goodness. everywhere.

in your face psalms

so i alluded to a project. it was a surprise for my sister. but... i'm not very good at keeping exciting secrets, so... i told her about it. but now i can show you! it really isn't anything that thrilling or challenging, but it is something i need and wanted to gift to my sister.

she has a beautiful newly revamped kitchen with a bare window sill in front of her kitchen sink. i thought some reminders were in order.

i cut paper and wrote out some psalms. i went for verses that were perhaps less familiar- hoping they might take us more by surprise and hit us between the eyes a bit with the astounding truth of who He is and who we are.

i wrote out the same verses for myself. so we can, throughout the year, be faced with the same truth. i'm praying these verses sink deep into my heart and take root. my goal is to memorize all 10. not a lofty goal for some of you, but for me, it is a challenge. if you want a list of the verses i used- email me- i'd love to share it.

after finishing this, i finally have started the task of stocking my shop.

coasters, headbands and garlands are waiting.

i have a couple of table runners and some coffee cozies still waiting. the list of to-dos is constant. never ending.

one item at a time. one verse at a time. one step at a time.

suncatcher

we made a sun-catcher. beautiful pieces of our yard (and fridge), frozen and hung from the window to light up our dining room.

the idea was amanda's. and the instructions came from her book. i loved it. i told samuel we were going outside to work on a project. "is it with nature?" he asked. "yes," i said. response: "yes!"

and i say "yes" to this. to more of this. outside. nature. sunlight. yes to more.

patience

my little man has become just a little obsessed with LEGOs. and he is also a rule-follower. he now has almost every piece of a certain space-themed set of LEGOs. but he's missing one piece. a box of LEGOs that costs about $70. he saw it at Barnes and Noble the other night and was near tears as he discovered he was not, actually, going to walk out of the store with it. maybe we go the library too much. he seems to think a lot of stuff is free.

so jason and i took him home and started talking about what Christmas money he'd been given and how much of that we'd let him spend on that item, if he wanted. but the rest of the money, he'd have to work for.

this did not appeal to him. jason said, "but, buddy, this will be a great way for you to learn to have patience."

response: "i don't want patience. i want the LEGOs."

yup. i feel ya, son.

see... i want a camera. a new camera. a fancy-pants camera. a pretty pretty camera.

and i'm not very patient about it at all. pretty grouchy and selfish, most of the time.

so.

my son started working around the house to earn money for his LEGOs.

and i made a little bank for myself. yes, i did.

so what if, right now, it contains about 3% of the total cost of said fancy-pants camera? my son and i can learn some patience together.

lookin forward

2012. a new year. fresh start. some thoughts:

i finished reading through the Bible in 2011. read the bible in one year. to some, this is a small task. for me- it was daunting and challenging. but i checked all the boxes, and finished.

and i'm so glad i did it. i saw many good things. but as i look at a new year, i am longing for some time in the presence of the Lord. i spent so much energy checking off the boxes this past year, that i think i lost some of the space i used to have for my relationship with Him. so i'm starting fresh this year. trying to carve out quiet, listening time with the Lord each day. i'm looking forward to meeting with Him regularly.

another item on my mind is the pace of my life. i think each family's pace is a relative topic. but i'm realizing that i need to relax and settle in a bit more to the moments before me each day. particularly those involving my kiddos.

i'd love to foster more of an atmosphere of availability. enough space for as much curiosity, reading, flour-playing, path-tromping, under-covers-cuddling as possible. i find myself so often rushing through time with my children (yes, even school) in order to free myself up to do what i want to do. perhaps if i settled myself into the space of the morning- the whole morning, and really looked, saw, listened to these little ones, things wouldn't feel so harried. if i stopped looking first to my needs, things might feel freer. and more enjoyable.

working on a secret project, that i will share as soon as i'm able, in order to keep some scripture in front of my face this year. the beginnings are small:

i'd love to hear about what's on your mind for the new year. any simple or ambitious resolutions taking form over in your corner? do tell.

a happy new start to you, friends. may He be drawing us ever closer.

2011 reflections

i'm going to start a tradition and compile my favorite shots of 2011. this blog is such a beautiful tool in documenting our days over here. if nothing else, i love it as my own little photo journal. so, here goes.

what a fabulous exercise. this year held so much. taking the crib down, visits and trips, a kid starting school, food, craft, friends and all around beauty. this year held a lot of anxiety for me. irrational anxiety and my own brand of crazy. i'm so thankful for how God has changed my heart. i can't tell you how. those mysterious workings of His spirit. but i am different.

after looking at these photos i can only conclude with thanksgiving. it's the only option. i'm so very very thankful for all the good that has intersected and invaded my life this year.

thankful.