remembering

often, when i think of my kiddos and the time that has passed, i try to bring up some images in my mind of those tiny days. pictures like these seem to quickly come into my mental view:



(my samuel)



(my girl)





(the newest)

and while i love these pictures-- they all capture such sweetness, newness-- they fall short. i usually try to push images like these to the side-- try to dig deep and find some memories. real memories of moments. little moments with little people.

late nights in rocking chairs. outside explorations. walking and soothing.

while i'm not very good at seeing their faces in these memories just as they were, i can remember the feelings of those moments. the weight of the air and the colors around me. the thoughts of my heart.

and the memory is what i want. those little moments that were just mine. they hit my heart and settled in. i want them to be permanent. to remain.

i'm finding that i need to bring these memories to the surface regularly. otherwise, in the jumble of this crazy brain of mine, they will be lost. this discipline is worth it. i want to try- to add some concrete footing to these memories.

i know that all mamas have to watch their babies grow. have to say goodbye to days passed and embrace new stages. i know there is good to be found around each new bend.

i want to remember the old road, though. move forward with my lovely children-- in joy.

with just a few tiny-handed memories in my trunk.