altars

i don't know much about cairns and have never built an altar. but i'm feeling the need to mark this time. to raise up a structure that declares, "i am changed. because of something He has done, i am different. and i never want to forget."

we went on a retreat-ish weekend with people from church. and God is so faithful, friends. He is mysterious in the ways He draws the lines of our lives. they intersect at the exact right moment. and He is always there. blessing and changing. and He refreshed my heart through worship and community. He spoke into my life through the people around me. and i was reminded anew what an awesome God i serve. and it makes all the difference.

in the midst of this season of misting-anxiety, i've been trying to see, through the fog, a clear picture of who i am. what is true about me and what am i pretending is true? haven't landed with any clarity.

i have a cracked conch shell on my window sill with a card stuck into one of the fissures. it reads, "it is the Spirit who gives life. The flesh profits nothing." i put it there last January. starting my year off with a small prayer, asking for greater dependence. and while i know this area is not checked off my list of understanding, i've loved meditating on what it means to keep my back to the wind of the Spirit and ask HIM to propel my days. i hope to prove in the comings years that it has grown roots in my soul.

well i'm ready to replace the card. i can't always find my feet. my true-self is blurry. so i'm starting with a small phrase, carrying huge weight and significance. a theme for the year, i suppose.

"Rejoice in hope." (Romans 12:12)

i want this in my bones. His gift, my hope. who does He make me? and then my response is...?

oh. looking forward, friends.