charlotte dies.

samuel has always struggled with drama and tension. when he was about one and a half, any kind of dramatic music on winnie the pooh made him run to me, asking me to turn it off. the only Disney movie he can watch is Cars, very little drama and no bad guys.

so when we started reading through Charlotte's Web, jason and i talked about how we would handle the ending. should we change it? just for a year or so? make up some words when we get to 'that part'?

well we also got the audio cd's. he loves them. the author reads and samuel drinks it in, listening in his room with his new 'radio' that he adores. we've almost finished reading the book together, but i haven't monitored what he has listened to on his own.

as we drove to target the other night, the car is randomly quiet and from the back seat we hear, "charlotte dies, mom. in Charlotte's Web. she dies."

jason and i freeze. we sit and gather our thoughts, not knowing what will happen or how the next 5 minutes will go. i finally say, "yeah, buddy. she does die. how did you feel about that?"

"fine."

"really? was it sad at all? was wilbur sad?"

"no."

"was Wilbur lonely?"

"no mom, Charlotte's babies stayed with him and were his friends."

and jason asked how many babies stayed and my little one's eyes lit up as he detailed the hundreds of spiders being blown by the wind and the three that stayed and remained wilbur's friends.

and that was that. jason and i shared a knowing glance of relief and slight confusion, and then we went to target.

these kids are so surprising. the things i think are a big deal, end up being fine and then out of seemingly nowhere, there is a large issue i never would have seen. his little mind and heart are with me almost-always and yet there is so much i can't see or understand. as he grows into the man he will be, i know there will be many more moments of panic and bewilderment to come.

these little faces... they keep me awake.