expectations

i love christmas. i do. and during every other month of the year i picture december and can see this beautiful twinkle-light-filled glow around each one of those december days. my life is filled with sugar cookies and i am constantly smiling. gifts are being given with joy to the ones we love and jason and i are cuddling on the couch after the kids are asleep- just looking at the tree together and dreaming.

now- i realize this is irrational. talking with you now, i know this vision is impossible. but when i have unhappy days in december- days where my children are yelling and the cookies are burning- it is harder for me to find my way out of the crabby-hole. it's december, after all. christmas time. i should be smiling and sparkling with pink sanding sugar.

so much of my life-struggle comes down to expectations. on both the large and small scale. from my afternoon changing because i suddenly have to run to the bank, to thinking marriage would be __________ and instead it is __________. the expectations get me in trouble and i don't shift gears very well. and i set my sights pretty high during this evergreen month. another situation where my expectations need to be managed. remembering that while this is a delightful month, it is also filled with a lot. a lot a lot. maybe it's okay if there are some hard days in there. in the midst of the sparkly ones.

i'm going to try to spend some time at the sewing machine today. again. some more. making a cape for a very deserving little nephew.

samuel in a similar cape roughly 2 years ago. where? where do the days go? how is he so much bigger today?

blessings on your holiday prep/celebrations, friends.