school again

these two started school this past week.



yep. these two crazy cool kids.



(yes. i ask my kids to stand outside under a tree for their first-day-of-school photos. yes. i ask them to put backpacks on. and yes. they also climbed the tree for said photos.)



i can't believe that we've come to that time of year again.

school time.

samuel and i have been doing school at home now for a few years. it has been great. really. it's super hard, sure. but really great. we like it.

and this year...



we have a joiner.

a kindergartener. man oh man.



we've had a total of 5 school days so far. 5.

it has been going well. we've conquered some new handwriting challenges, some new mathematical ideas and some discipline... things.

but as i've thought about school this past week or so, i keep coming back to myself.

the teacher. and my attitude.

it seems that the success of our days at home depends upon the strength of the very thin thread that is my attitude.

it can make it or break it.

i want to make it.

so badly.

i want our school year to be full of blankets outside. books read aloud. pictures drawn of stuff God has made. stories retold of Greeks and Israelites.

of smiles. of encouragement. of opportunities for growth and insight taken-- leaped upon.

and NOT full of my impatience. my sighs-- the list goes on.



these two are fantastic. i'm so glad i get to spend days with them.

this guy's cool too:



and as we all navigate another year of school, i'm thankful that my eyes are already seeing the importance of my perspective. glad i'm already seeing my need. actually glad that my eyes clearly see where i often fail.

so that i will ask for help.

He gives so generously.

here's to a good school year, friend. whatever shape yours takes-- may we be ready to see where we fail and in joyful hope ask the One Who knows and sees to provide. He likes us. He'll listen. He'll answer. i know it.

stress

stress is a funny thing. sometimes. 

in the middle of work and worry rests my oh-so-familiar friend stress. 

and i'm not the best at managing the presence of this friend. 

my answers to kid-questions get shorter. my head gets fuzzier. and old fears rise up and haunt. 

today i did my best to stand firm. to stand on the white(ish) tile in my kitchen and remember the truth. 

in the middle of work- beautiful work- i remembered aloud: 

"i have trusted in the steadfast love of Jesus; 

my heart will rejoice in the salvation He has given. 

i will sing to the Lord, 

because He has dealt bountifully 

with me."

                  - taken from psalm 13:5-6

and it's true. my blessings are bountiful. His hand is present and evident. there is nothing to fear. 

nothing to fear. 

oh these kids

they are a delight. a joy to observe. i love joining them on adventures, sitting quietly for tea parties, answering wondering questions. all of it.



i do. i love all of it. and why do i miss out on it so often?



because of my own perspective/stubbornness/attitude, etc.



now there are going to be days where i need to be me. just me. a little space from the house, the parenting, the constantly being needed. and i think that's completely okay.

but i'm missing good things right in front of me sometimes. things i could enjoy. things we could enjoy. instead, i stick my feet deeper in the mud i'm in and declare that i'm not moving. not surrendering to a Spirit Who brings better.



i know that my Savior has given good gifts. i want to have my eyes open to them. i want to be moved. do i really enjoy standing firm in my muck of crabby? yeah, no. but in the moment i so often feel it is the only option. everything outside of myself needs to change. the problem could not possibly rest in my clenched fists and slanted eyes.



i know He has more. i know He will help me in the surrender. in the giving of the days and the moments- my heart and my attitude.

so glad He takes it all and does such better work with it all.

happy monday, friends. welcome to more good.

photo credit for this post: Mindy Bursch

lookin forward

2012. a new year. fresh start. some thoughts:

i finished reading through the Bible in 2011. read the bible in one year. to some, this is a small task. for me- it was daunting and challenging. but i checked all the boxes, and finished.

and i'm so glad i did it. i saw many good things. but as i look at a new year, i am longing for some time in the presence of the Lord. i spent so much energy checking off the boxes this past year, that i think i lost some of the space i used to have for my relationship with Him. so i'm starting fresh this year. trying to carve out quiet, listening time with the Lord each day. i'm looking forward to meeting with Him regularly.

another item on my mind is the pace of my life. i think each family's pace is a relative topic. but i'm realizing that i need to relax and settle in a bit more to the moments before me each day. particularly those involving my kiddos.

i'd love to foster more of an atmosphere of availability. enough space for as much curiosity, reading, flour-playing, path-tromping, under-covers-cuddling as possible. i find myself so often rushing through time with my children (yes, even school) in order to free myself up to do what i want to do. perhaps if i settled myself into the space of the morning- the whole morning, and really looked, saw, listened to these little ones, things wouldn't feel so harried. if i stopped looking first to my needs, things might feel freer. and more enjoyable.

working on a secret project, that i will share as soon as i'm able, in order to keep some scripture in front of my face this year. the beginnings are small:

i'd love to hear about what's on your mind for the new year. any simple or ambitious resolutions taking form over in your corner? do tell.

a happy new start to you, friends. may He be drawing us ever closer.

digging deep

these days at home are sweet. mundane, but busy and full. and as the rain fell right after we ate last night, i sat on the threshold of the back door staring. breathing deeply and unable to stand. my view consisted of neighboring driveways, a mini wheelbarrow on its side and other small signs of child-filled life littered about the deck.

but there was a tree off to the right shining in full fall-glory. and another far off swaying in the high shower-breeze. and i couldn't get up. the smell was too intoxicating and my heart too full of things i don't like seeing in myself. i sat and thought about my day. filled with laundry, food, diapers and dishes. books about little bears, moons, and a mr. brown. and i felt so small. and i thought of my friends who had similar days. and i thought about their homes in the midst of the rain i was sitting in. and the view from their windows seemed much more romantic than my own. their homes felt brighter (better) than mine, with more peace and assurances of good.

and i knew as soon as i started the thought:... not true. each of my friends fights daily alongside me to find joy, contentment, patience, gratitude and love. and last night i reached down as deeply within as i could to find the good. and there was none. so, empty again, i fell into the Arms that will forever hold and provide. only He produces anything of worth in me. and i need His empowerment even to be His servant. and He again provided. Thank you Jesus. for the rain. for the truth. and for Your constant grace and goodness. i love being Your kid.

time passing

today is my first born's fourth birthday. he awoke this morning, immediately stating, "I'm four." and then standing on his bed to show us how much he'd grown overnight.

and i will soon post pictures of all the joy and fun that was had today-- what a sweet celebration. but tonight i'm sitting with my mint tea, remembering the voluntary hugs i got this morning. and i can't believe it. 4.

the passage of time is hitting me hard tonight. and i tend toward the dramatic- turning everything into an excuse for cosmic reaching, eternal scope... tears. and i have been seeing my son as a high school graduate all day. the grooves in his heart & character i'm trying to create now will then be as good as they will ever get. and he'll leave. off to do what God has willed for his life. and my contributions will slow and cease. and the time will continue till He brings me to Himself. (i told you. dramatic.)

and i sit contemplative. grateful. that He has numbered my days and will grant me the peace i require to face them all. each one. and He is the only place, then, left to run when my drama overwhelms and i see the brief brief time i get with these precious remarkable souls.

i will run.

some flashback photos. a little 2 year old.