the light

we're still preparing over here.

getting the cookies made, the gifts finished. school wrapped up and dear friends hugged and merry christmas-ed.

we are packing up this place and heading north tomorrow. i'm trying to savor today. when i so badly want tomorrow to be here now.

it has been rainy here for a few days. dark and wet.

today, the darkest day of the whole year, feels like a great day for candles and poetry. remembering His light. the light that was sent for us. the Light that lives in me now.

so much to be thankful for. what a happy season.

play vs. list

we've had some unseasonably warm weather here lately. it's been beautiful and a little odd. but it has allowed for this:

which is awesome. this was a day where i needed to grab the camera- abandon whatever task i was checking off my list inside- and run to join in the fun.

these babies are such fabulous consistent reminders of good things. of right perspective. and in the midst of christmas mayhem i need more of this:

do we need to send the list into the wind and play instead? can i play in the midst of the list?

oh how i need to remember that His joy, His good, His beauty is here. in the faces, yes, but in all the other corners too. in the well-intentioned list. He's here. Emmanuel.

expectations

i love christmas. i do. and during every other month of the year i picture december and can see this beautiful twinkle-light-filled glow around each one of those december days. my life is filled with sugar cookies and i am constantly smiling. gifts are being given with joy to the ones we love and jason and i are cuddling on the couch after the kids are asleep- just looking at the tree together and dreaming.

now- i realize this is irrational. talking with you now, i know this vision is impossible. but when i have unhappy days in december- days where my children are yelling and the cookies are burning- it is harder for me to find my way out of the crabby-hole. it's december, after all. christmas time. i should be smiling and sparkling with pink sanding sugar.

so much of my life-struggle comes down to expectations. on both the large and small scale. from my afternoon changing because i suddenly have to run to the bank, to thinking marriage would be __________ and instead it is __________. the expectations get me in trouble and i don't shift gears very well. and i set my sights pretty high during this evergreen month. another situation where my expectations need to be managed. remembering that while this is a delightful month, it is also filled with a lot. a lot a lot. maybe it's okay if there are some hard days in there. in the midst of the sparkly ones.

i'm going to try to spend some time at the sewing machine today. again. some more. making a cape for a very deserving little nephew.

samuel in a similar cape roughly 2 years ago. where? where do the days go? how is he so much bigger today?

blessings on your holiday prep/celebrations, friends.

more christmas

so. less than 2 weeks away from the big day. i feel like i woke up yesterday in a bit of a panic. and not the usual i've-got-no-time-to-get-it-all-done kind of gift buying/craft making panic. i really should/could be panicking about that, but i am happy to ignore it.

i feel like i haven't savored enough of this fabulous season yet. i'm not ready for it to be over. i haven't cherished an afternoon of christmas baking with my little ones. i haven't sung enough christmas carols. my jesse tree should have at least a dozen ornaments on it- it has 4. we're behind on the christmas joy. it's just one of my favorite times of the year. and i feel like i'm missing it somehow.

i'm going to try to relax (which, in general, is a good thing for me to do more of). try to savor the busy and the calm moments as they come. i am going to try to sing more christmas carols and look at the christmas tree more often. but mostly, i think i need to open my eyes to what He is doing all around me. the good things i know are there.

i think i'll go make more caramel.

the princess

i know i've written about this little one before.

and her princess tendencies.

well recently i tried on a floor length red dress that i've had for years. just to see if it fit. and it did! i was elated. and i showed it to my princess-y daughter. i asked, "what do you think of mommy's beautiful dress?"

she looked me up and down with squinty eyes and said, "no."

then immediately went to her closet to find a rival dress. then crumpled into a puddle on the floor as each dress she tried on did not reach to the floor. "it doesn't work!!!" she cried.

jason and i stood by and laughed. and wanted to cry. both.

her little heart went so quickly to jealousy and envy. it was the first place she went.

oh my darling. you've got a long road ahead.

and maybe i shouldn't have, but after she'd calmed down, i pulled some old silk out of my fabric stash. wrapped it around her tiny slippery-soft little body, and tied a small belt.

she was pleased.

as we parent day to day, it's so good to get a view into the hearts of your babies. sometimes i don't look, the day rushes by with books, meals and cleaning without me seeing anything God might be doing or revealing in their hearts. my daughter isn't quiet about many things. and her heart was loudly obvious as she glared at me and my dress. and i am thankful for that view into what really is going on behind those smiles and curls.

and now to pray for wisdom. so glad He doesn't leave us alone to try to work His good in our children by ourselves. so glad this beautiful girl is His first. ours second.

oh she's so much fun.

coffee and christmas

i broke yet another french press. this one lasted pretty long, i have to say. but it shattered nicely in the sink. it has passed one.

there are two and a half weeks until christmas. i can hold out, right?

here's the system i've invented:

so if you come to my house for coffee... be prepared for a muslin filter. it has turned out pretty well, though. clean and delicious. man i love coffee.

anyway-- our house is in the throws of holiday festivities. i've got spritz dough in the fridge for us to bake today. the tree is up and the lights are out. i made a batch of caramels to give as gifts to friends. but i was skyping with my sister during the last steps (i know. not smart) and they cooked for too long. they are too hard to inflict upon anyone's jaw/fillings. so we are stuck with the whole pan. a whole pan of dark caramel pieces... bummer...

i hope the holiday season is settling in well at your house. we're doing our best to anticipate-long for- remember our need for the Savior who came. happy Christmas-time, friends.

jesse tree

we are trying out the Jesse Tree tradition over here this year. i've been trying to come up with something to fill our advent anticipation with scripture and direction. i wanted to make my own, but ann already did.

we'll see how it goes. i'm hopeful. for more reminders of Him in this busy december that now greets us.

what about you? do you have any advent traditions that you love? ways to keep your and your family's eyes fixed on Him? i'd really love to hear. really.