little men

recently had a late night chat with a dear friend. sitting together in a minivan in an empty parking lot, we talked about little hearts and the futures that can consume our attention. and we both have sweet boys who aren't always the bravest kids on the block. my little samuel is just now being okay with slides (he's 4) and is most comfortable when there are only a few people around. not going to be the adventurer charging out into new territory. he's my thinker. full of compassion, creativity and (sometimes)quiet thoughts.

and he's getting older. bigger. needing to start school next year. and my friend and i sat and talked about these precious little-man souls. the letting go, holding on and that difficult mom-battle we wage within.

and i'm struggling, friends. i always wanted to be that mom that knows her kids are not her own and understands that God has them in the home for a season- they are their own people- they are His. but i'm finding myself asking for more hugs these past couple of days. and he is very obliging. always wrapping his little arms around my neck and occassionally telling me he loves me. and he melts me to the ground.

i know he'll get bigger, older, and i will be continually delighted to get to know him better. he'll develop his interests and start pursuing his own visions. it's truly exciting. but right now he's my little first. and my heart can't find the perfect place to land with these feelings. i'll probably just ask for more hugs. and strive to trust.

he spelled 'impossible' during his bath time.