Thursday, December 30, 2010

the fear drizzle

fear. anxiety.

drizzling down into my heart. all day, before i open my eyes. as my mind turns from dream to consciousness, the mist begins. and remains as i walk the rooms, change the diapers, run the errands. a constant small (sometimes not so small) fear. and it captures me. captures my moments- steals my joy and runs off with any confidence i had in the Truth. i can't find my feet and can't get my head to any rational place.

i know most people struggle with anxiety and worry from time to time. but this past month and a half it has consumed more of my days than not. we each have our fear-temptations. and after the early death of a friend and my brief experience of being whisked into a hospital for things i didn't understand during pregnancy-- my current fear surrounds my health. the fragile nature of my body and all the looming tragedies that lie in wait.


my Lord Jesus has been merciful and kind to me. He has been teaching me and molding me through a menial, lingering stomach bug. telling me He's present. He is the only answer. I have to follow Him. He's the only hope i have. He's all i've got.

1 comment:

erica said...

such a beautiful song choice joanna. and it's true...just like you said, "i have cancer and you need to make friends" we all have these constant companions of doubt and uncertainty and black holes. i don't really understand how to live this life yet, it feels so foreign and unsure. but praise Him who made it, who made me. i love you so, and i am praying. each day, right?