and we're back

back from visiting family. parents and sister in the great state of texas.

and it was awesome.

it is so good to be with those who've always known you. such a comfort when you're together. i miss them. and as i have spent more years than i'd like away from family, i'm getting more and more cranky about it. i now look at these visits as not-enough. i want my kids to have casual, easy, constant relationships with their mim, poppi, aunts, uncles and cousins. these short weekends end with sorrow and what feels like tearing hearts.

but i'm so grateful for the gift of family who all love Jesus, for family i long to be with, and for kids who barely complained as we drove them across the country. He gives good gifts. He is good and He is wise. i will remember.

we spent a fabulous morning at the Dallas Arboretum. the tulips and azaleas were out and many more flowers i can't name. it was beautiful.

and then we did a lot of hanging, being and relaxing. it was oh-so-nice.

oh yes. we took a picture at target. dad's suggestion. i thought it was weird. but is now the picture i keep looking at. thanks dad. you were right again.

i finished erica's blanket and got to hand it off to her.

and as i did i thought about the dark winter we had. and how i needed to put my hand to something to keep the rest of me still. i'm thankful that our good Father guides us so gently through these lessons He puts before us. i'm still figuring out anxiety, fear, and how to handle it all jumbled in my heart. but i can look back across these months and see His work.

it felt good to hand off a completed blanket. a project that accompanied many fear-filled nights and was a comfort to me. maybe there's a bit of cheese in that last sentence, but i don't care. you know how much i love to craft, and the methodical movement of hands and fingers can quiet my soul. it just does. and it was satisfying to see a finished blanket- off to warm a loved one.

so glad to be home. glad to have family i love. and so very glad it is spring.

looming horizons

thinking a lot about the future over here these days. the small choices (quilt beginnings)-

and the larger. like school for a little boy and a new house for our family. we have no idea what we will do or what's ahead. and late night couch conversations with my favorite man have been refreshing, but end without any decisions.

our options are a sign of our great blessings. i'm grateful for our choices. but i don't do well change. and these new things creeping on my horizon-view are big. a bit looming. and i'm scared to commit.

we're driving across the south to texas tomorrow. we'll have time to talk, think, and be guided. i have high hopes. this space will be quiet for the next week or so. hope you all have beautiful spring-filled weeks.

saying yes

thanks for all the understanding on the last post, gang. i love being able to share my thoughts/life here and immediately feel less alone as so many of you join me in conversation. it's awesome.

well we finally had a day at home. and i tried guys. i really did. i thought about ann and her desire to say 'yes' more than 'no'. so, i may not have had an uninterrupted 15 minutes, but i tried to say 'yes'.

to underwear on my head. i was mrs. galaxy- he was mr. galaxy- and we fought bad karate kids. i don't know what to tell you.

'yes' to making a fishing pole:

to dress up:

and helping to put 'baby jean' to sleep:

it was so good to be home, to let the day fall open before us. and i'm working on it. 15 minutes. and yes.

the crib came down

we had a mellow saturday. signs of life and children everywhere.

but we've been talking about bunk beds over here for awhile. and when the big box came this past week, samuel announced, "the bunk beds have arrived!!!!"

so saturday afternoon began a serious kid's-room rearrange. that is still in progress. you know how it goes.

but it meant taking down the crib.

my baby's crib.

and i cried.

while jason mowed the lawn, i decided to do it myself. started putting my hand to disassembly. thought it might bring me some closure.

well it brought tears. and a general cloudy mood over my heart for the rest of the day.

i don't do well with change. their whole room is changing. everything getting moved around and my sweet boy's first big-boy bed heading to the attic. and these milestones, reminding me of all that is so fleeting, are too big to swallow.

so i take pictures.

and try to hold on tight.

but not too tight.

what a balance we parents have to strive for. i'm not good at it- running from one extreme to the other. these babies are both so excited to be bigger- to climb into new beds tonight and feel older. this parent-road is full of these strange, joy/tear-filled milestones and i don't know what to do with most of them. i try to take them in and they don't fit. i can't feel it all.

and i'm sure, in a few days, i'll be right back in this chair to tell you about how cute their 'new' room is and my ideas for a quilt for kate (yeah. we'll see). but today... just trying to let that little baby go.

oh these little ones. they add so much to this beautiful life, don't they?

today's 15 minutes

as i strive toward more with my kids, my goal is 15 minutes.

today we built a dam.

it was pretty awesome. brought me back to many muddy days exploring dirt piles and the garden hose running and running. water is so much fun.

happy weekend to you. hope you and i can find (make) 15 minutes and watch them turn into a pile of awesome.

spring smells

our week has been one of those. each minute feels accounted for. each morning greets a new schedule and list of things to accomplish. but we've snatched a few moments for ourselves.

in the middle of the rain this morning, the clouds became white and patchy for about 15 minutes. and we ran out to get feet wet and smell the spring.

trying (in the spirit of my last post) to embrace the moments that come. don the purple mardi-gras necklace and become a 'darkness spy' (don't ask me. i don't know) while the rice is cooking and the laundry dries. maybe it is the small forced habits that can slowly become the large forces of change i so long for. trying to remember- to really see and then ask my Maker-- maybe these seemingly small choices are what lead to different.

i hope so.

oh the lazy

i don't think i really play with my kids very often. sure, i read books. but i love books. that's easy. pretending to be a soldier... not as easy.

my sister and i both have quiet time in our homes every afternoon. the toddlers are shuffled into their rooms, the doors are closed, and there is (sometimes) quiet.

on a recent afternoon, we were talking as we prepared supper and she said her quiet time had been very unsuccessful. her sweet son kept coming out of his room, asking her to play with him. i laughed and said, "my kids never ask me to play with them. i don't think they know that's something mommies do."

so the next day, i was determined. i sat with both of them and sang songs (with motions, i'll have you know) AND did puppets.

for 15 minutes.

and oh i was so proud of myself. oh yes.

of course i interact with my kids all day, talking about things, going on walks, looping them in on what I am doing. but rarely getting on the floor with them and driving the trains around the track.

this laziness pervades too many areas of my life. so many women say things to me like, "i don't know how you get so much sewing and crafting done." easy. ignore your children and your household and you too can sew during the day.

so i'm setting a new course of self-discipline and dependence on my Provider. even the depending requires discipline-- eyes to see the gaping need.

today:

coloring

and baking

(i know. i'm easing in.)

samuel said this was like land and water

i refuse to let these years slip by as i seek my own pleasure. i just can't do it. and, obviously, He has so much joy waiting for me in these little hearts before me. i'm so very selfish. He is teaching me about motherhood, friends. i'm grateful, but have much to learn. but what fabulous learning material i have:

i'm working on it.

ah rain

a beautiful gray rain-filled saturday over here. and my thoughts are hard to come by. misty and illusive. thankful for days of rest. when leaving my thoughts alone for awhile is okay.

so here are a few of my current photo faves. hope your weekend is peaceful.

a mid-week trip to the farm: