digging deep

these days at home are sweet. mundane, but busy and full. and as the rain fell right after we ate last night, i sat on the threshold of the back door staring. breathing deeply and unable to stand. my view consisted of neighboring driveways, a mini wheelbarrow on its side and other small signs of child-filled life littered about the deck.

but there was a tree off to the right shining in full fall-glory. and another far off swaying in the high shower-breeze. and i couldn't get up. the smell was too intoxicating and my heart too full of things i don't like seeing in myself. i sat and thought about my day. filled with laundry, food, diapers and dishes. books about little bears, moons, and a mr. brown. and i felt so small. and i thought of my friends who had similar days. and i thought about their homes in the midst of the rain i was sitting in. and the view from their windows seemed much more romantic than my own. their homes felt brighter (better) than mine, with more peace and assurances of good.

and i knew as soon as i started the thought:... not true. each of my friends fights daily alongside me to find joy, contentment, patience, gratitude and love. and last night i reached down as deeply within as i could to find the good. and there was none. so, empty again, i fell into the Arms that will forever hold and provide. only He produces anything of worth in me. and i need His empowerment even to be His servant. and He again provided. Thank you Jesus. for the rain. for the truth. and for Your constant grace and goodness. i love being Your kid.