a happy-weather photo collection

we've so been enjoying these recent days. sun, breeze, birds, and new leaves.

growing things in our teeny garden.

first honeysuckle

supper outside

proud pigtails

so close! if i had a fancy-pants camera, that shot would have been perfect. maybe it still is, though

wandering in our little wilderness with these cuties

i am looking forward to more good gifts this weekend as my sister is coming in a matter of hours. yay! we're planning lunches outside, evenings on the deck and a day at the beach. i'm sure you'll be accosted by photos come monday.

happy weekending everyone.

another reminder that community rocks

a good friend was in my kitchen last week. as we put a dinner together for our families she asked me how i was doing with staying home full-time with my little ones. i had talked with her at the close of last year about my trepidation stepping back into being home all the time.

and i paused. looked at her and said, "i think..."

and she smiled and said, "you seem better."

"i feel better." not perfect. not always easy. but it has gotten just a little easier to put aside my wants in the middle of a wednesday and see the beauty He has laid out before me. to choose my little ones over myself. embarrassing to admit, but that's where i've been folks.

it was one of those moments that sneaks up on you. i hadn't really been looking, hadn't been seeing, but He had been working. growing my heart in places, changing my mind without me knowing. and i arrive better.

but without her in my kitchen, knowing me before and knowing me now, i wouldn't have stopped, taken stock, and praised the Lord for His hand of graceful teaching in my life.

just another reason i'm so thankful He has me surrounded on this journey. so thankful for community and how He uses it.

art by this guy

the promises

He is indeed risen.

and we celebrated again and again the unspeakable gift He has given.

a day at the farm with dozens and dozens of lovely people. and horses. oh the horses.

my little farmer- who insisted on wearing his cowboy hat, "cause that's what you wear on the farm."

we did the egg hunts and had candy (and sugar crashes that followed. i'm sure you're with me here people)

and i tried to soak in all of His good gifts.

because of what our household conversation has been about lately (see previous post), this Easter felt extra sweet. We've been thinking so much about how God made things good, things are far from perfect now, but He came to defeat evil- He conquered death. Put death in his grave and, well, He wins! Sitting with my family on Sunday, as the tears fell down my cheeks, i patted the small boy's knee beside me. very grateful that He has made a way for me to answer my boy's questions with great hope and joy.

i hope your celebrations were filled with goodness. welcome to the week, friends. praying i cling well to the promises i was reminded of this weekend.

samuel and the cosmos

i have to write a little bit about this guy:

he came into the world and surprised me in so many ways. he has shown me so much about myself and the world around me. he's a compassionate thinker. a sweet-souled little boy.

and lately he has been coming to jason and me with a new kind of question. he has always asked many many many questions. most of them have surrounded some division of biology. he started with sounds, "what does a giraffe say" and then food "what does a lion eat?" and then habitat... you get the picture.

as he now learns more about God, there are new questions.

"why do lions eat other animals?"

-"well it's the way God made them."

"why did God make lions eat other animals?"

-"well... actually He didn't really. He made everything perfect- without sadness or pain, but Adam and Eve disobeyed and that's a consequence of that"

and so many similar questions followed. my little philosopher fell and scraped his knee. and as we hobbled into the library afterward, he asked me, "why does God let us get owies? is it because of Adam and Eve and the sin and disobeying mom?"

there has been frustration and tears as he learns more about the sadness of the world. the lamb who had to die for Passover. God asking Abraham to be willing to sacrifice everything for His sake. (and he's on the verge of becoming a vegetarian)

but we've told him how the story ends. and his hope now frequently lies in heaven, where the lion will lie down with the lamb and there will be no more pain or sorrow.

so recently he got a sliver and begged us to leave it alone. "Don't take it out! I'll wait til heaven. I can wait til then."

he keeps making me reach deep into my bag of truth-comfort to answer his cosmic 'why' questions. it has been a wonderful and exhausting exercise. he is daily trying to reconcile his sense that bad things shouldn't happen and the all-powerful good God he's learning about.

it is the question that stops so many of us in our tracks. how do i respond, how do i make sense of the bad i have to face when i rely on a good and powerful God?

this little face has been keeping the big picture of His goodness in my face these days. and it has been good aerobic spiritual exercise. a habit of thought i've been forced into. to see His hand of goodness in the face of my depravity. His gift of a path- a yoke that is easy and light.

looking toward the cross and the empty tomb today, i'm again filled with awe and gratitude. and am praying that He will help me explain this crazy plan of love and grace.

oh how this boy makes me smile. so thankful he's ours for a little bit.

the hose- 15 minutes

i said yes to the hose.

okay, so the high was only 80 yesterday. but for this Minnesota girl, that's seriously warm. swimsuit weather for sure.

and i'll be honest. had a little argument with myself as i considered this 'yes.'

'this is a pain. i have to find kate's swimsuit and make more dirty laundry ON laundry day when it's all getting clean.'

'and what do you have to do today? laundry. that's about it. you can say yes to this.'

so i forced the words out of my mouth. and i was glad.

a hopeful week

went to a fabulous north carolina bakery on saturday. just cause.

stopped at a beautiful nursery to wander and gaze at all the amazing stuff God has made. growing things blow me away.

and we made it to the park. love saturdays.

on Friday i got to spend the night with about two hundred women from our church. they gathered together to fellowship and declare united that our God is awesome. as i stood and sang, hit with a wall of His daughter's voices singing praise to His name, i almost had to stop singing. so incredible.

i've been thinking a lot, lately, about the big picture. the whole story. how God made everything perfect, it all fell apart, He will restore it fully one day. and as i prepare this week for Easter, i'm hoping i can set my eyes on His resurrection morning full of expectation. joyful, hope-filled faith in what is here now (His presence) and what is to come.

birthday garland

made a birthday garland for a sweet friend.

but i didn't think to take pictures of the process of making it. so i don't think i can call this an all-out tutorial, but it was easy and i'm going to try to explain.

take one rectangle of fabric you like, iron on a same-sized rectangle of Heat-n-Bond. then peel the paper back on it, iron onto another fabric you like. ta-da! two sided fabric. cut some circles out.

repeat with two other fabrics.

then i used invisible thread (you wouldn't have to) and shoved them through my machine one after the other- like on the fall garland.

i really liked the result.

i'm looking forward to a saturday spent in the dirt. little plants and little hands. fabulous.

blessings on your weekends, friends. see you monday.

a story and some unrelated photos

monday afternoon took us to the library. with an overflowing bag of overdue items. as i'm trying to haul this and my two children into the library, samuel falls. oh the tragedy- a scraped up knee. my sweet-souled boy is recently coming to grips with the evil in this world and he can't make sense of it. so, in the midst of the screaming, i'm being asked questions like: 'why do we get hurt, mom?' 'why did God make scratches?'

so i'm trying to answer these questions calmly, keep kate on the sidewalk, keep the bag from falling over and keep my skirt over my knees as much as possible. a woman walks up to us at this point with a ziploc containing bandaids and neosporin. she asks samuel if that will help.

my frustrated son basically growls and shakes his fist at her. it was awesome. and then i sheepishly said to her, 'thank you so much. you are very prepared.'

she responds: 'oh, i take care of children.'

now i know what she meant. but you all know what i heard. more awesome.

so i pep-talk my son into being 'really brave' and go into the library with my bag, argue a bit with the librarian, then get back into my car with my hobbling son.

life with littles. awesome. truly.

___________________________

the zoo with a new friend

i don't think our robin is returning. we LOVED seeing her beautiful eggs this morning, though.

and back to life. happy mid-week to you all.

rejoice in hope

have i told you how thankful i am for spring?

this weekend was full of it. full of outside- new leaves, fresh flowers, dusk light with friends and life around each corner.

a robin's nest in our hedge. i'm afraid she left because of all the excitement. hope she returns.

we had friends over for a perfect night of revelry. a good weekend by so many standards.

i walked this morning to greet my Lord and the day. i looked at the early sky and saw His hand. and felt the comfort only He can bring. i quickly walked back into the frenzy of my mind, but will hopefully remember my early moment throughout this day.

i don't like that i so easily sway. i teeter and fall into the frustration i'm so prone to. when my kids are yelling and asking me difficult questions. you know the moments. when the dishes pile and your back hurts. the hammock outside is calling to you along with your bedside book. but the tasks don't leave and the relationships don't always work on their own. my effort- my surrendering effort is required everywhere i look.

striving to lay it all down today. to rejoice in the hope i have. striving.

sleepless

been up since about four and can't tell you why. one of my children must have woken me a bit and now i'm up. can't go back to sleep. have been just staring at the blur of the fan on the ceiling and thinking too much.

Lacey recently posted about how dangerous time with yourself can be. i am no exception. my brain becomes some kind of horrible black hole when i am left to myself. my thoughts cave in on themselves and my inward focus becomes so intense that i lose all footing and start to fall.

and nights like this, where there is only darkness to talk to, that pull is strong.

when i was pregnant the last time and couldn't sleep, i would go through the alphabet and pray for my friends- their names corresponding to the letters. and it was a cheesy attempt at pulling my eyes off of myself, my todays and tomorrows. directing my gaze toward Him and those He has surrounded me with. making me feel less alone and allowing me interaction with them and Him through His crazy-cool prayer system.

and i guess that's why i threw back the covers, turned on the computer and started writing tonight:

community.

He does such crazy things through it. it's amazing. i'm thankful for this space, for the readers out there. even just one.

okay- i'm going back to bed. starting with 'a.'

the same problem

how am i supposed to fit it all? how am i supposed to get it done? a classic question posed by, well, everyone at some point, i think. and i'm here today. sitting (unmoving) in my dining room chair just gazing at the piles.

and thinking on the mental lists:

i need to call ___, oh and i forgot to talk to jason about _____, my kitchen is a mess, that corner of the floor is gross, that's right-- never folded that laundry, what is the heart issue going on when my kid does that? i need to pray about that, is this all the food we have? ooo that would make a great pillow design...

and on and on and on

and i sit. slowly turning my head from pile to pile. and still i sit.

on days like this, it is hard to cling to the small accomplishments. hard to make a list of just 7 things and get those 7 things done. hard to take the 15 minutes to sit with my kids and do what THEY want to do.

and i don't see what's right in front of me. like 'sculptures':

i don't know the solution. i'm sure it has something to do with balance and gratitude. but i can't grasp it this morning.

i'll try to make a list of 7. i'll try it. and i'll TRY to let go of some other things. and i will sit with my kids. i will and watch the small accomplishments add up.