tasks and lists. and such

we had swimming lessons. and yes, i almost cried. twice.

he looked so simultaneously small and huge in that pool. so big to be in there with other kids, learning the ropes of swimming. and then so little. my little guy. this motherhood stuff.... crazy.

and maybe it has been the swimming lessons, or the other seventeen piles of stuff. but my brain has felt hazy. like i'm filled with this giant misty cloud of impending things-to-do, but i can't clearly see any of them. i just feel the weight. occasionally, something concrete will float to the surface, but mostly i'm seeing things to do in every corner.

i'll make lists. i'm sure that will help.

if you pressed play when you started reading this, you'll now be in the throws of the song-of-the day over here. i've found myself stopped in my tracks by it today. weeping or hands to the ceiling. what have i to fear or be anxious over when this is my God?

happy friday, friends. may we see Him everywhere.

blog birthday. one year.

one year ago i wrote my first real post. started a blogging adventure.

because i love how community has changed and stretched me. and i though a blog would be just another form of community in my life and i was excited to see what it would bring.

and, like so many many things, this space has not become exactly what i thought it would be at the outset. but oh how i love it here.

i don't have piles and piles of comments on each post. i'm not conversing with people through emails and comment threads. the gathering together of people and voices that i'd planned hasn't really happened. but a different kind of community has formed. a quiet camaraderie. and it has become a space that forces me to better. i sit at my little ikea desk in the corner of my dining room, take stock of what is mulling about and start to write.

but you. you who read are the ones who force me to better. because i know people are reading, i can't end my thoughts with, 'so that's how i feel and it's not going to change and everything is ugly.' i end up there so often on my own. stubbornly refusing to see good. but here i know people read. there are some people out there reading. and when we dwell in community, we force one other to the truth. and you do that for me. in, naturally, a way i never expected. and i'm so glad.

looking forward to what another year will bring in this space.

here a a few of my favorite shots from the past year.

okay. so. more than a few. i'd love to hear from you today. just a 'hi' would be awesome. thank you for your community this year. thank you.

summer

jason and i had such fun last night. tooling around doing whatever we wanted. talking about the present and talking about the last 10 years. 'what do you actually remember from our wedding day?' we looked through all the pictures. and discussed our most difficult seasons so far. and how He has truly worked for our good in all of it. beyond wonderful.

so i'm just going to wish you a happy weekend. the first official "summer" weekend we've had.

here's to sunshine. new and established gardens. to kids up at sunset and friends over late on a tuesday. happy summer friends.

10 years

in my memory, i was such a girl 10 years ago today. 21, getting ready to commit my remaining days to a man. my man.

and this morning i look back and see all the good. all the good that grew from pain and striving. argument and laughter. i remember with joy.

so happy with where we are and hopeful for where we're headed.

so very blessed.

fathers and friends

we had a fabulous father's day.

celebrated with some dear friends at a fancy-for-us restaurant. it was so fun.

and i know i should be writing about fathers and how wonderful they are- and they are! (i've got two of the greats in my life. my dad and my sweet husband. i don't know how he does it. he rocks)

but i was so struck on sunday by the insane value of good friends. friends that can diffuse situations and bring light into dark so easily.

these friends have come over to our house in the past and felt that lovely marital tension that fills the air when you and your spouse are arguing, but 'people are coming over so get it together.' then one of our guests asks, "are you two fighting?" and in 5 minutes we're laughing. because how serious are most of those arguments really, when it all comes down?

i'm so glad we have people who break the tension with us. invite themselves into the ugly parts of our lives and bring us to better.

community rocks.

house painting

had a brain wave while on a walk with the kids. one of those fuzzy memories coming through the fog into the forefront. and i remembered doing this as a girl:

painting the house with water. oh yes. what joy. the girl had to adjust to there being no exciting colors. but after that- they had a blast.

as our car was being de-hail-damaged, we hung at the house yesterday. livin' large.

and as i sit and and stare at this screen this morning, my brain feels blank. full of little half-thoughts:

i miss my husband

i'm looking forward to gathering with friends soon

finished a book and i can't figure out what i think about it

so thankful for my open windows yesterday

green and summer are beautiful

happy weekend, folks. hope you can get out for a little (or a lot) of adventure. hoping the same for myself. and to see His good gifts at every turn. i know they're there.

summer breakfast

heat is here. and my breakfast has to change. i've had this stuff basically every morning since january. time for different, though i'm not straying too far from my baked treat.

crunchy granola

(recipe adapted from food network)

Heat oven to 275.

Put 1 1/3 cup brown sugar and 1/2 cup of water in a saucepan and heat til sugar dissolves.

Then stir in 4 tsps. vanilla and 1 tsp. salt

Toss that liquid with 8 cups of old fashioned oats and 2 cups of some nuts (whatever you've got that sounds good. i've added flax seed here too).

Spread this all out on 2 cookie sheets and bake for an hour.

once it is all golden-crunchy, take it out and add some dried fruit if you want. i usually have raisins.

let it cool, then either eat it or store it for later.

i love this stuff. with yogurt. yum.

craft and willa cather

been finding myself in the middle of fabric lately.

which is always fabulous. nap time these days has been coffee and craft. love it.

older sister made me that mug when she was in college at a paint-it-yourself pottery place. she makes fun of me every time she sees it. i love it.

and we've made it outside. water makes for the best kind of fun.

as i hung my laundry on the line this morning, my neighbor came out of her home to do the same. she walked over and we talked over my drying bedsheets about our gardens and the rain. then she said, "well, i know we'd both like to get our hangin' done before the weather gets too bad." and she walked back to her clothesline.

and i felt, suddenly, like i was in a different world. i was whisked into "O Pioneers" with my skirt billowing in the wind. i can be oh-so-dramatic.

i later told sweet husband my little story and i finished it with, "i felt like a farmer's wife 50 years ago!"

and he smiled a small smile and said, "or just someone 50 years ago."

it's why we're good together, folks. keeps these flighty feet on the ground.

happy mondays all around.

Reedy and kid-truth

i know i haven't talk about this for awhile. but i'm still, sometimes, trying for 15 minutes. or at least striving for the attitude. letting go of what i want to do and just playing. so good for my heart, not to mention the hearts of my little ones.

a recent 15 minutes was spent looking for Reedy. we happen to have one of our own.

Our Trader Joe's has a stuffed frog named "Reedy" who is hiding somewhere in the store. If you find him you get a treat. So we took turns hiding Reedy, counting and finding.

it was a lovely little hide and seek game.

my little samuel has had a troubled heart this week. such a thinker, that one. coming to terms with his mind. "my brain says mean things sometimes, mom. i don't like listening to my brain."

and, like my sister said to me when i handed her that quote, "oh buddy. the rest of your life..."

mental discipline. thinking on things that are good. upright. righteous. things that are above.

we've been talking a lot about it over here. this little philosopher of mine keeps forcing me to remember/find answers to big questions. keeps making me rehearse the truth out loud. it's so good for me. exhausting, friends, but good.

i'm praying these days and nights filled with ideas and scripture will root deeply in his little soul. that he would be able to bring these things to mind years from now when he feels crazy and like his thoughts don't belong to him and he can't find his feet. He is with him. and there is nothing to fear. it's true.

hope your week has been moving along well and not too quickly. hoping i can spend more time with eyes open and a mouth saying, 'yes!'

oh, and let me know what you think of this new playlist. i hope this one works. i'm working on building the playlist back. if you really want to hear the old one, go to playlist.com and search for phoebeflock. it's there. but you have to listen to ads. yup. so i'm trying something new. i'm guessing some of you will like that the music doesn't start automatically. it's not my favorite feature, but we're compromising here.

evening prayer

the day is closing. my mint tea is steaming and i can hear a muffled audio book reaching beyond the closed bedroom door to my chair. the end of another day. filled with more laughter and tears to add to the rest of the days before. and the end is so much quieter than the whole.

i know i've touched on it before but prayer has been on my mind lately. conversing with my Father. and my sister recommended i read "Power of a Praying Wife." now, this is a book i have mocked a bit. if not spoken, inwardly i felt above such a typical Christian-book-store staple. i mean... it's pink and has a flower on the cover. not usually my cup of tea. wow was i wrong.

i've been shocked at how little i pray for my dearest man. i think of him, wish different things for him and us, but crying out to my Father on his behalf... not much.

i'm loving this new small habit of praying as i end my day- lifting up my partner and talking with my Dad. i hope it grows into more.

goodnight, dear friends.

treats and grandmas

new music. easier to turn off. different for me. we'll see how it goes...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

my brain is a bit garbled this morning, so i'm not sure anything here today will be poetic or lovely. just me. us.

banana cream pie. and cake. with coffee frosting.

i love treats.

while making the crust for the pie, i was thinking of my beautiful grandmother. the heritage she has passed on. how many times she has tried to teach me to make pie crust. her hands rhythmically rolling dough, sprinkling flour. i still can't get it to come out the same. i'll have to ask for another lesson next time i see her. but she lives so far. i miss her gentle company. the smell of her pie-crust cookies crisping in the oven.

hope to be back here soon with other thoughts. looking forward to a morning with a friend and an evening of sewing.